I find friendships really hard.
At first, they feel euphoric — like I’ve discovered the best thing in the world. I can’t get enough of that person, and everything feels exciting and safe. But then, sometimes out of nowhere, they disappear. Or they stop replying as fast. And my brain spirals into full meltdown.
Connections feel different for me. When I truly click with someone, it’s intense — I want to be around them constantly. That intensity can become too much for others, even if I don’t mean it to be. People get overwhelmed. I get labelled as “too much.” And eventually… we drift apart.
And that’s not even considering what happens when I get overwhelmed. When my energy runs out and I don’t have the spoons to reply the way I know the friendship expects me to. It’s not that I don’t care — it’s that I literally can’t.
I just wish it could all be easier. Maybe if people came with traffic lights that showed exactly how they felt — green for “I’m good,” amber for “I need space,” red for “not now” — maybe then I wouldn’t have to read between the lines so much.
But for now, I guess I just keep navigating this world with the map I’ve got, hoping for the best.